I opened up my front door to find Sam from the homeowners’ association staring me down. Before I could even say hello, he asked, “Why haven’t you finished delivering the welcome packages to the new neighbors?” I took a step back and tried to string together an excuse. Stepping forward, Sam demanded, “Well, why don’t you do it now?” Feeling my cheeks go red, I said, “My family and I are just about to watch something on TV. I’ll have to do it tomorrow.” Sam turned around, threw up his hands, and walked off. “Whatever. I guess it’s just too inconvenient.” Sam was halfway down the driveway when I tried to call him back, but he just kept walking. 

As I lay my head on my pillow that night, I recited the Lord’s Prayer, “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.” Sam’s accusing eyes filled my thoughts. Am I really supposed to forgive him? 

When someone disrespects us, treats us rudely or unfairly, or assumes the worst of us, prayer can feel impossible. So how do we pray for people we don’t like or who don’t like us?

God loved first

Jesus came to love a world of people who would rather crucify him than love him back. As he gasped for air in the final moments of his life, he still managed to look down from the cross and say, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). So when Jesus commands his followers to “Pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44) he is not asking us to do anything he has not done himself. As the Apostle Paul wrote, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). God’s cosmic plan of redemption is about his love for those who don’t love him. God’s love in Jesus is the foundation for our love for others. It’s also the reason we pray for our enemies.

You are not alone

At different times in history, Christians have prayed seemingly impossible prayers for their enemies. When faced with the threat of prison or death, the early church, suffering Roman persecution, encouraged one another to pray, as Peter did in his first epistle: “Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing” (1 Peter 3:9). These Christians had fled their homes and had no protection from governing authorities. Yet, instead of forming a revolution to overthrow their enemies, they gathered together to pray. If Christians under the threat of death can pray, then we can too. 

Not only are there other people praying, but the Spirit of God is praying on our behalf as well. “The Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God” (Romans 8:27). God never leaves us to follow him alone. He always accompanies us, supports us, and provides for us.

God’s power moves through prayer

Your prayers are part of God’s work in the world. As astonishing as it is, God chooses to work through the prayers of his people. We don’t control God through prayer, but he uses our prayers as vehicles for his salvific purposes. Paul put it this way, “I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people…This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.” (1 Timothy 2:1-4) We join God’s mission to save humanity when we pray for the neighbor, co-worker, or family member we don’t like. That person doesn’t need to like you. You don’t even need to like them. What both of you need more than anything else is a saving relationship with the God who loves every single one of us.

Prayer begins with forgiveness

As I’ve reflected on what it means to pray for Sam, I’ve realized that if I’m going to pray for his peace, I must learn to forgive him (Colossians 3:13). He has a history of angry outbursts when he doesn’t get his way. So forgiving him is more like a marathon than a sprint. Yet, isn’t that exactly what God does for me? He keeps on forgiving me every time I turn my back on him and walk away. So, praying for my enemies begins by asking God to transform my heart from one of resentment to one of peace. 

Praying for people you don’t like isn’t easy, but it is transformative for them and you. Who has God laid on your heart to pray for?