During the devastating seasons of our lives, circumstances feel totally out of control. When it’s all going wrong, how do we pray: “Not my will, but yours be done?” Do we really believe that God sees our suffering and hears our pain? In the grip of crisis, can we trust God’s plans enough to let go of our own desire to try to take control? That is what prayers of relinquishment are for.

In the grip of crisis

Several years ago, during a routine medical procedure, I suffered an injury so severe I almost died. The only option to save my life was an emergency hysterectomy. In the aftermath of the operation, I found myself confused and struggling with conflicting emotions. While grateful to be alive, I deeply grieved the loss of my ability to have more children in the future. All at the same time, I felt relieved but sad and optimistic but resentful; above all, I was just plain angry. Even while I made slow but steady progress with my physical recovery, facing death triggered anxiety and depression in me, seriously upsetting my mental, emotional, and spiritual health.

With no control over the situation, I had trouble processing all those big feelings. I didn’t even know what to say in my prayers. I knew I needed to thank God for the quick thinking of the doctor and for the recovery of my health. After all, I was still alive. Even though recovery progressed slowly, I could still care for my two young children and continue my work in ministry. But anyway I looked at it, I had suffered a great injustice. During my times of prayer and devotions, I found it very difficult to praise God, and often just sat in silence, not knowing what or how to pray. Sometimes, all I could muster in my prayers were tears.

I knew in my heart that I needed to relinquish all this confusion, pain, fear, and anger to God. I just didn’t know how.

“Not my will, but yours be done”

Something Jesus said—which was recorded in all four gospels—finally calmed my anxious heart during that confusing time: “Not my will, but yours be done” (Matthew 26:39, Mark 14:36, Luke 22:42, and John 6:38). In the midst of his greatest crisis—facing suffering and death on a cross…and for the first time in eternity, separation from the God the Father—Jesus trusted the Father’s will and his plan.

In her book, A Guidebook to Prayer, theologian Mary Kate Morse writes:

We often limit prayers to our requests and concerns. Jesus brought to God times of extreme distress and confusion. Prayer is a place where the most difficult personal issues of suffering, betrayal, and the world's evils are brought to God. In the garden Jesus’ prayer was not answered but his assertion of trust in God was declared. In prayer, we face the world's evil and accept the power of grace to overcome. The brilliance of grace is its capacity to convert evil to something holy and redemptive. (p. 137)

Jesus’ words became my own when I had no words to pray. During that time of extreme distress, I would repeat “Not my will, but yours be done,” over and over, trusting God’s goodness and grace even in the face of terrible troubles.

Radical trust

We find it difficult to express our big emotions and to accept deep pain because we don't want to give up control. But in praying Jesus’ simple words, we surrender control. It takes radical trust to speak these words: “Not my will, but yours be done.” They incite a deep, raw, and emotional confrontation against our own will and doubt. We let go of our perceived need to fix and manage, and we throw up our hands to reach out to God’s perfect, loving plan. When we pray “Not my will, but yours be done,” we find rest even while we live in the tension between the darkness of distress and the light of hope.

Prayers of relinquishment

One word to describe this special prayer is relinquishment. When we pray in relinquishment, we surrender control and place all our trust in God. A Guidebook to Prayer inspires a few ideas to consider when praying this kind of prayer:

• Follow Jesus’ example by taking your deep wounds, bitterness, worry, confusion, pain, and loss to God.

• You can also pray to relinquish an addiction or some other destructive behavior that overwhelms your thoughts and gets in the way of your trust in God.

• Relinquishment takes time and may be an emotional process. You will most likely need to pray to “let go” multiple times.

• You don’t need to reserve relinquishment prayer just for serious crises; pray also for the simple annoyances and frustrations of daily life.

If suffering is a current companion of yours, remember that Jesus defeated sin! Death, pain, and suffering do not get the final word on your life (1 Corinthians 15:54-55).

Jesus as an example

When Jesus finished his prayer, he walked willingly toward the cross. When he obeyed his Father, Jesus overcame the brokenness in each one of us and in the world. In the midst of your heartbreak and suffering, may you cling to the hope you have in Jesus’ victory. May your prayers of relinquishment bring you comfort in chaos and peace in pain. When you pray “Not my will, but yours be done,” know that our loving God sees your suffering, hears your pain, and has a perfect plan for your life.