Through tears of grief and sorrow, Lee (name changed for confidentiality) phoned me and shared that her cousin’s infant son had just died. This unexpected death traumatized Lee because she also had an infant son. Lee was feeling lots of emotions. She was heartbroken for her cousin, scared for the life of her own son, and feeling anxious about talking with her cousin. Lee asked me to pray because she didn't have the strength. We prayed and cried over the phone, and when I said, “Amen,” Lee thanked me. The pain of the loss was still sharp, but she received God’s comfort and felt a little braver to reach out to her cousin.

Comfort to the Pain

Have you ever been asked to pray out loud for someone who is grieving? It is a gift to the grieving person when someone takes the time to pray out loud for them because there is something very powerful about praying with a person who is too brokenhearted to pray for themselves. These special spoken prayers can provide comfort to those in pain.

Sometimes it can be hard to know what to say when someone who is grieving asks you to pray. Your first instinct may be to try to cheer the person up, but I suggest that you instead lead with empathy: reflect and name the emotions that the person shared with you. Empathy is a gift to those who are grieving because rather than trying to fix their sadness, we join them in their sadness. Christian community is about sharing not just the joys and triumphs but also the pain and sorrow.

Helping to Carry the Weight of Grief

When we pray for someone who is grieving, we help them carry the heavy and often isolating weight of grief. Scripture tells us that as God comforts us in our pain, and when we pray, we offer that same comfort to someone else: “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). God can use our past pains to provide comfort for those currently in need.

Psalm 23 as a Guide

One of the best ways to comfort others is by using words from Scripture. Psalm 23, a familiar and beloved psalm for times of grief and loss, is well suited for guiding those prayers. Remember, too, that our God can handle our strong emotions. Here’s how I used Psalm 23 in my prayer for Lee:

Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.

Gentle shepherd, you have provided, nurtured, cared for, and refreshed Lee. May she feel your comforting presence in the midst of this loss. Remind her that you are leading her, and may she have the strength to cling to your guidance in the face of this sudden loss.

Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

God of compassion, remind Lee that while she may still walk through the valley, she does not walk it alone. You are with her in this loss and despair. What great comfort it is to know that you are with us in this devastating space! Death is still an enemy, but it does not have the final word. Remind Lee of the salvation promises because of your Son, Jesus.

You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

Our life on earth is precious and unpredictable, and the loss of this little life doesn't seem to make any sense to us. Fear, shame, and hopelessness are enemies and have no place in your presence. You listen with love when we bring our doubt, anger, and confusion to you. Give Lee the courage to cry out and give her heart to you. May she see and feel your comfort and peace when anxious and fearful thoughts enter her mind and heart as she cares for her son. Give her so much confidence and strength that it overflows. Help her to have the wisdom to know when she needs to ask for extra support from family and friends.

Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Father of love, where would we be without your goodness and love? You are with us in this heartbreaking tragedy. Every tear we shed is precious to you (Psalm 56:8). Remind Lee of your promise to never leave or forsake her or her family. We pray for an extra measure of peace and comfort for her cousin, and may they all know the sweet truth that life on this earth is not the end. We hold onto the promise that we will forever be with you in paradise. Hear our cries, Lord. In the name of Jesus, we pray, Amen.

May this example spur some ideas for you the next time you are asked to pray for someone who is grieving. When I prayed with Lee,I thanked God for being present in all of the messy and ugly feelings of pain, loss, confusion, anger, and guilt.

I am excited to share with you Prayers of Compassion for Someone in Grief. I invite you to download this free 31-day prayer guide that we have included below.