Joel found himself at rock bottom in his marriage. His wife had recently found out about his infidelity. He didn’t know what to do. He was paralyzed by fear—afraid that he was on the precipice of losing everything he held dear.

Forty years later, Joel was not only still with his wife, but he also had a thriving relationship with her. They had become a dynamic team that positively impacted countless other couples throughout their long marriage. 

How did Joel’s marriage not only survive, but thrive, after such a betrayal? 

Put simply: prayer. 

Prayer is foundational to a strong marriage

Joel recognized that he had neglected not only his relationship with his wife but also his relationship with God. To rebuild trust with his wife, he had to start by rebuilding his relationship with his Father in heaven. Like King David, he knew that his sin of infidelity was first and foremost against God. So, he made a practical change that stuck with him his entire marriage: he promised to pray with his wife every night before they went to sleep. This commitment to prayer was like an offering to God, declaring that he wanted God, not himself, to be the center of his life. Prayer did not erase the consequences of Joel’s sin, but it anchored the long work of repentance, repair, and grace.

Praying with and for your spouse is foundational to a strong Christian marriage. As Joel experienced, prayer keeps your relationship with God central to your most intimate human relationship. Your relationship with your spouse is not only physical or emotional, but it’s also spiritual. It needs spiritual means to be nurtured and to grow into a thriving relationship. Just like any healthy relationship requires open communication, so a healthy spiritual relationship requires open prayer. 

Prayer keeps you attentive in your marriage

The practice of praying causes us to pay attention to what’s going on around us and within us. When we pray, we engage with God and reflect on our family, friends, work, and more, bringing all that weighs on our hearts before our heavenly Father. As we do this work, we also engage with our inner life, wondering with God, how we can grow and change to become more like him. The apostle Paul wrote, “Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful” (Colossians 4:2). Paul invites us to use prayer as a means of keeping watch over our lives, like a lifeguard keeping watch over a pool, by paying close attention to the needs of others and ourselves. As we keep careful watch over our marriages, we find much to praise God for.

Prayer keeps you grateful in your marriage 

As you pay attention to God’s presence in your marriage, God has a way of turning you towards thanksgiving. Of course, thanksgiving isn’t always the first thing we express to God, but the more we pray, the more we will find ourselves unable to help but give thanks. The Psalmist often expresses grief, fear, and anger in his prayers, but concludes with a word of thanks. Take Psalm 13, for example. The Psalmist starts by praying, “How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever?” (v.1) and concludes with, “I will sing the LORD’s praise, for he has been good to me” (v.6). As the Psalmist is completely honest with God about his fears, God transforms his perspective into one of grateful praise. Likewise, as we pray for our marriage, being honest about how difficult the relationship might be, God will help us see how we can be grateful to him for our marriage and the ways God is using it to make us more like Christ. 

Prayer keeps you joyful in your marriage 

Gratitude, sustained over time, becomes a doorway to joy. As Paul writes in Romans 12:12, “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Persevering in conversation with God, he reminds us that he is our source of joy. Not our spouses. Not ourselves. It is God who is our joy. He never changes, is always available, and is ever present in our times of need. When prayer is our life’s pattern, joy will follow because prayer keeps us consciously connected to the source of joy. 

When a marriage is shaped by prayer-filled attention, gratitude, and joy, couples often find themselves drawn more deeply into what God intends. Not perfection, but intimacy; not ease, but faithfulness; not self-sufficiency, but shared dependence on God. 

For more about praying for your marriage, check out “5 Prayers for Your Marriage.”

May we pray for you? Share a prayer request with us here. We invite you to check out our free ebook, “How Do I Pray?” We also encourage you to explore the prayer resources on our website.